Remarriage and Becoming United

In todays modern world it is so frequent that most people are not married to their first spouse and are in their second marriage. So with this how can this remarriage be an opportunity rather than a struggle that will tear at two parents new formed union? Well I would like to share a personal story and that is my brother Nic is now engaged to a widow with two children in their early teens. At first this was so different because courting is changed drastically when it goes from just an exclusive couple to that plus a pair of kids. Personally I was unsure at first because this was different and lets be honest this isn't the type of situation you frequently think of. Although as I realized that this was far more of a blessing than a burden it changed my whole perspective and I came to see the situation as something that I could learn much from. One lesson is that with remarriage there is far more to gain than lose, a specific gain is that you really are able to relate with a wider variety of people than you previously could have. For example I now can relate to widows, children who have lost a parent, blending different backgrounds, realizing that everyone has far more in common than differences, and those who are or have readjusted to a new family setting. Out of these the most profound to me personally is that I really can relate to a larger spectrum of people than I previously could have, and with hopes of being a therapist that is important. But its really important to note that remarriage, blending, and adjusting all have beautiful lessons that can be learned from them not only within out families but also in our future relationships and will help us to gain greater acceptance of everyone.

Punishment or Consequences Are They Really the Same?

So I am not a parent but I have heard from the best that it is one of the most difficult tasks, like to the point of frustration that you just want to fight your 9 month old (Thank you Kevin Hart for that statistical data). But when situations arise I think it is important to implement 2 types of consequences for you children first natural consequences and logical consequences. It is most desirable to have a good balance between these because with natural consequences you soon could have one less kid if your not careful. With that thou natural consequences are the type of consequence we want children to learn most from because it does not involve you directly punishing, like when I was younger my parents told me not to play in parking lots but it wasn't until I split my head open on a sign that I realized "Wow maybe they had a point?” Although injuries should be prevented by logical consequences that are known by both the parents as well as the children. With it being mutual consensus this takes the whole burden of punishment off the shoulders of the parents and onto your child which teaches them responsibility, Logical consequences are important because if your child doesn't come home on time sending them to bed without supper is not logical like grounding them or whatever agreement you have came to. It is important that it makes sense because if it doesn't they won't learn they will just be further confused. So remember that even thou you may be annoyed at times that these kids have no experience and they are clueless in life and it is you sacred duty to guide and teach along the way and to stress that consequences are something we cannot chose.

Mop or Mind?

So most of America really think that being a full time homemaker is unimportant, unfulfilling, and in some cases demoralizing in feminists eyes. They see cleaning, changing diapers, and cooking all burdens and tasks that do not show their great potential. And for the most part I agreed with this because I worked in a day care for a summer and I felt that my knowledge exceeded the repetition of changing the multitude of diapers and putting babies to sleep. But when I came to the realization that repetition is what a typical job is you show up at 9am and stay till 5pm performing the same tasks. While leaving your children, and some might say that they work because they need both salaries; the harsh reality is that in most cases you are actually paying around $1,000 to $5,000 yearly if the mother works out of the home. And although this is alarming some still feel like they cannot be pleased with having to stay home but the variety they are looking is truly in the home. While raising your children you will encounter situation everyday that will force you to expand your knowledge. These will vary from helping with learning to read and taking trips to library, to explaining some of the greatest questions purposed by your kids, to learning as they build projects. All of these if taken advantage will expand your knowledge and if you take grasp on these situations then you will not only be fulfilled but achieve what you never could at a 9am-5pm.

How to Transform Arguments into Agreements

Think back to the last major issue that you and your roommates or family had, how did you address this problem? Well if I think back to any arguments that I have had with my roommates it definitely wasn't a pleasant experience because it was mainly amounted to screaming, harsh words, and later feelings of regret and sometimes embarrassment. This is so common because this is the way that almost all arguments go, but this past week I really came to a new understanding of how we should actually counsel. One of the most important steps is to first, if a it is a major issue you are addressing to plan a specific time which allows everyone to think about there true feelings on the situations and not act purely on impulse and passion. Although this is an extremely and effective practice the key ingredient to any successful counsel in business, roommates, or in the family is to put away your own personal agenda. When you do this and your primary focus is the best solution for everyone you will be far more successful because here you can really see others perspectives as not competition but ideas that could benefit all. And the last is to not push the decision because when you do this others may remain uneasy about the issue and this could hinder the success of the decision. If everyone is at peace about the choice then you know you have the best solution because it has been unanimously approved. Overall I thinks its important to remember that really you need to have the proper time to gather your thoughts, to want the best outcome for everyone not just yourself, and to allow everyone to endorse your decision 100% before moving forward. 

                    XOXO Honey Bee's and Sweet Dreams

Take it from Michael! It's Easy as ABC!

This past week I was introduced to a model called ABCX and it actually is extremely interesting to how this model really does work and how it actually applies to your life. Now your probably thinking how can some random assortment of letters help me understand issues I am having now and prepare me for the future? Well the double ABCX model is the idea of how previous situations and crisis help to prepare us for our future crises that we may encounter. The Actual event is for example a roommate that is extremely confrontational (PREACH ON!), then Both resources and reactions that are applied to the crisis. Your resources may include family, friends, or your church and based off of how you use these resources will depict how you respond to the crisis like if you discuss the issue with your family and friends you might have your outlooks change. Then comes Cognition and this is basically your personal mindset throughout the crisis and afterwards. Examples might be to see this as a growing experience and to learn much about yourself or you might see this as a crisis that you simply have to endure (by staying in your room all day and perpetuating the uncomfortable situation that is at hand). Overall ABC will determine you eXperience and this is how ABC influenced your overall feelings during the situation. So when you learn from previous encounter and then when another crisis come along you go forward with the information and knowledge that you learned from a previous experience. From this I learned that we should welcome crises because it will help to prepare us in the future and we will eventually be capable of handling a variety of issues with ease.

                                   XOXO Honey Bee's and Sweet Dreams